I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
