Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
