Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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