how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
third nipple confirmed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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