i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
