The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
