just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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