My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
