homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
