Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
