Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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