yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
