I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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