Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
