i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
