just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
