I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
