doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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