We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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