omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
