this boner is exhausting
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
