I just made out with a guy for $7.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
