I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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