If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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