So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
