If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
