What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
