What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
