fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
