mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
handjob tips. give me some.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
