last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
