Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
