Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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