Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
