Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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