I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
