life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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