Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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