Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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