This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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