wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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