Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
