where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
