The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
