he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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