The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
