he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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