so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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