I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
