I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
