I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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